Raising kids is not easy.

Well, all things considered we are quite blessed.  We have a home to live in.  We both have good jobs.  We have plenty of food to eat, and everything seams great.  However, you don't always realize how much time lost with your family really means to those who matter most, your children. 

Growing up on the farm my parents were always busy.  We never had money for frivolous things and if you needed clothes or wanted toys it had to wait till Christmas.   Now, being a father myself I am frequently reminded of my childhood and what I went through as a child.  I do not want my children to wait for things such as clothes and daily things they need.  I also want them to have some of the things they want from time to time.  I feel a lot of people, children and adults, are very spoiled and have lost touch with reality today.  I am trying to raise my children to realize that I will help them get what they need and help them earn what they want. 

To do this I thought that I needed to work all the time and never stop and make as much money as I can.  However, tonight I learned a valuable lesson.  I found out for the forth time this year that my daughter took something from school that was not hers.  Now, my wife's response was to get very angry and threaten her with all kinds of things and take stuff away etc..   I on the other hand thought back to my childhood. 

Back in fifth grade I attended a small school with only two classes of 18 students each per grade.  Everyone knew everyone.  To make it worse, my dad drove the school bus that I rode to school every day.  So, he knew about everything that went on before I even knew.  Well, we lived quite short on money back in those days.  We always had food because of the farm but not much else.  My parents did what they could to give use everything we needed and we never went without what we needed.  However, what we wanted was often left to what they could afford.  I did have my tractor and farm toys and some really cool things such as construx to play with as a kid.  Between those toys and working on the farm I learned way more as a kid than most anyone I went to school with.  However, even with what I had there was the occasional TV commercial on Saturday morning showing some little toy meant to appeal to little kids.  During my fifth grade year that "gotta have it" toy was the micro mini machine.  If you don't know what it is just Google it.  Well, one of the kids in my class came in one day with a bag full of them.  All I ever wanted at the time was one and he had a bag full.  I asked several times to at least play with one and they wouldn't even let me touch one. 

Now, I knew the difference between right and wrong and that what isn't mine was not mine to have.  However, I felt that because he had so many he wouldn't miss some because obviously he was wrong for not sharing and he had so many it wouldn't matter to him.  So, one day while no one was looking I took some.  I knew it was wrong but neither of my parents would listen when I talked about them let alone buy me one to see what they were like or have one at home to play with.  So again, I took some.  The next day he knew they were missing and I acted like I didn't know anything about it.  A few weeks later my dad found them hidden in my room.  After a long shouting match I admitted to what I did.  He immediately beat my rear end till I couldn't walk let alone sit down.  Then I had to take them back to the person I took them from.  I ended up hiding them at school and let person I took them from find them a few weeks later while cleaning up after recess. 


Now, I suppose you are wondering how this relates to what happened here tonight.  Well, I decided instead of going the route my dad went with me that I would try something different.  So, after getting my daughter to tell me what she did and bring me what she took, I got her to calm down and talk to me.  At work they always talk about the "five why's".  If you want to know the real reason for something just keep asking why five times and you will get to the real reason behind what is going on.  So I did this tonight.  When asked she kept coming back to " I took it so I could be on yellow".  (the preschool has a color system for how the children behave, Green, blue, yellow, and red, green is good red is really bad).  After some more questions and prying she told me that she wanted to be on yellow because she liked to talk and because she was on yellow she could be by herself to talk (think to herself) without anyone bothering her.  This struck a cord with me because I was the same way as a child.  My mind races all day.  While some people have one or two thoughts from time to time I have many in my head constantly.  I can never get into words everything I am thinking about.  So I pried a little deeper and through some more discussion she revealed that she really got to yellow because she knew that if she got to yellow she would be able to talk to me....

This broke my heart.  This entire time I have been busting my but to give them what I never had and missed the one thing I needed most, to just spend time with my dad. 

 I cannot go back and change what I have done wrong in my life.  I constantly think about those things and they still bother me today.  However, I can change what I do tomorrow.  Spending time with my children and my wife now has a new meaning to me.  I started the farm to teach my kids about life and I am finding it teaches me as much as it teaches them. 

Maybe that is what is wrong with the world today.  Maybe everyone needs to spend more time with their kids on the farm, the garage, somewhere!  Just stop and talk and see what they are thinking about. 

Goodnight.

Kenny